The Continuing Pursuit for a Father
by CallistoLexx
Summary: Set in Red Witch's Misfits Universe: It's "Pick on Beach Head Week" as Carly sets her sights on making said Joe her new Daddy.
1. Operation Snuffles

**I own nothing. Or, very little. _X-Men: Evolution_ and _G.I. Joe_ belong to Marvel. Althea, Xi, and other components of the Misfits universe belong to Red Witch. I own Adam and Carly. If you want them, you can use them.******

**I honestly wasn't planning on continuing "The Color of Coffee" but then RogueFanKC just had to mention Sgt. Snuffles and the plot bunny got hold of me. This story may, once again, not be my best but at least I'm coming out of my writer's block somewhat. This takes place after "Who's the Master Detective?" and is, well, pretty much plotless fluff.**   
  


**The Continuing Pursuit for a Father**   


**Chapter One: Operation Snuffles**   


"You have to do something with that kid," Beach Head grumbled to General Hawk. "She's been here a week and each day she finds her way out of supervision to come annoy me." 

Hawk pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger and then looked at the irate Joe. "It's not that bad. She likes you. At least one of the kids does. Look at it this way, maybe she'll give you a heads up if the others plot against you." He couldn't help but find the situation funny. Everyone was so used to the kids not liking Beach Head then along comes one who adores him. 

"I don't care. Just get her to leave me alone. She's more than just slightly annoying. I'm finding the Toad to be less annoying. And I never thought that was possible. At least he leaves me alone most of the time." 

"Beach Head, I'm sure it's not as bad as you're making it out to be," Roadblock sighed. "The kids need to find a parental figure that they can look up to, that they can respect. The others—including Adam—have all chosen. And Carly wants you." 

"Poor Shipwreck," the General sympathized. Adam had, as per Carly's guess, chosen the sailor as his 'new daddy.' 

"I thought she'd already chosen Low Light for her father," the masked Joe commented. 

"Only temporarily. Carly wants you to be her father. She likes you. No one really knows why, but she does," Roadblock continued. "And, in my opinion, there are only two Joes on this base that she'll actually obey. You and Low Light." 

"So why doesn't she just choose him permanently?" 

"He's not as big of a challenge as you are." 

"And just what is that supposed to mean?" Beach Head snapped. 

"You'll have to ask Carly. Those were her words, not mine," Roadblock said, rolling his eyes. "My advice is just to go along for the ride. She may eventually grow bored and give up on trying to make you her father." 

"In other words, you want me to suffer." 

"That, too." 

************************************************ 

"Whatcha doin'?" Carly asked later that day as she walked up behind Beach Head. 

"Cursing the day you were ever born," was the grumbling reply. "You escaped your keepers again, I see." 

"No, I didn't escape. They let me leave." 

"To annoy me, I'm sure." 

"You know you like me, just admit it already," the black-haired youth grinned. "What can I do to help?" 

"You can go away." 

She tilted her head as if she were considering it. "Nope, can't do that." 

"Why not?" 

"Because I don't want to," she said slowly. "Besides, someone has to protect you. Apparently its Pick on Beach Head week. And they're all plotting against you. Every last Misfit and every last Guardian. Well, except for me. I like you." 

"Why should I trust you?" he asked suspiciously. He could only think of some grand torture scheme that the kids wanted him to be paranoid about and had gotten Carly to start the ball rolling. That had to be the reason why she was always hanging around. So he wouldn't be too suspicious when she came to him with this. 

"Because I know their first plan," she said, taking a seat on the ground. "And I'm sure I could find out the rest 'em. I just want to help you." 

"And why would you want to do that?" 

"Because you're going to be my new Daddy. That makes you family. And a feral always protects her family. Violently, if need be." 

"Why doesn't that comfort me?" was the snide reply. 

"I know their first plan, I overheard them talking about it last night. And I know a counter attack. So unless you want Sergeant Snuffles to fall victim to the enemy, you'll listen to me." 

That got his attention. "Sgt. Snuffles is in trouble?" 

************************************************ 

"What in the world are you wearing?" Beach Head hissed later that night. 

Carly looked down at her attire. "Stealth gear. When lying in wait at night you're supposed to wear all black so you can better blend in with the scenery. Why?" 

"You look like a deranged Pippi Longstocking!" 

She was wearing a black and red striped, long-sleeved shirt and a black jumper over black and red striped knee-high socks and black high-heeled boots. Her red-black hair was parted into two thick braids, which draped over her shoulders and a black bucket cap. 

"No I don't! And who are you to talk? You look like a bank robber with that ski mask!" she hissed back. "Can we please get back to the mission now? The night-vision camera is on, and the dummy is set up in your bed with Sarge next to him. The Misfits should believe that the dummy is you asleep." 

"Are you joking me? That thing could never pass as me!" 

"Believe me, it will. I used that thing all the time when I wanted to sneak out of my foster homes. They always fell for it, and people will continue to fall for it. Especially after I press this little button," she held up a small remote control. 

"And what is that for?" 

"I'll show you." She pressed a button and the sound of snoring came from the vicinity of the bed. "After I heard them plotting last night I snuck over here and recorded an audio of you sleeping. I knew it would come in handy." 

"You are a frightening little girl," he whispered to her. "I really need to start locking my doors and windows." 

"That won't work. I can pick an average lock in ten to fifteen seconds. Sometimes faster if I feel the need to hurry," she grinned. "Don't worry, I'm not gonna axe murder you in your sleep. How would that get you to be my daddy?" 

"That's it, tomorrow I'm putting in for a transfer." 

"Shh! I hear something!" She placed a hand over his mouth for good measure as she closed her eyes in order to hear the approaching Misfits better. "There's four of them…Althea, Todd, Xi, and, I think, Pietro." She heard a whispered voice. "Definitely Pietro. The others must've stayed behind as a rescue squad." 

The two hidden people watched as the four people the feral mentioned silently entered the room. 

"Told you," Carly silently mouthed to her spying companion. She moved her arm up and held it over the light switch and waited for the bear to be touched. 

"Gotcha, you little brats!" Beach Head yelled as he pointed his powered-up Super Soaker at them. He began firing, followed an instant later by Carly. Soon the four would-be kidnappers were covered with red dye. "Back away from the bear!" 

"If you don't, I have another Super Soaker ready to fire," Carly added. "Face it, you've been caught. We taped you." 

"We'll be going straight to Hawk. If you're lucky you'll only get KP Duty," Beach Head grinned. 

************************************************ 

The next day the four mutant friends were in the kitchen, where they'd been ordered to work. 

"I told you she heard us!" Pietro griped. 

"We should have flashed her some cash to keep her quiet," Althea agreed. 

"Come on, who knew that Beach Head would actually listen to her? That he'd trust her? He wouldn't trust any of us as far as he could throw us," Todd stated. 

"But the plan did go rather well," Xi spoke up. "If you don't count most of us being tinted red. We annoyed our target." 

"I just can't wait to see the look on Beach Head's face when he finds out we only got one day of KP Duty for last night," Todd grinned. "It's going to be classic." 

"That's true. We're gonna get him. And her. She's now a target," Althea declared. "They're going down. Here's what we're going to do…"   
  


**All right, everyone, please give feedback with your torture ideas. Because I sure need them. Nothing is too deranged for me to work with. C'mon, I know you've thought of some…Also, I want to give Carly a better code name, since Elektra doesn't really fit her and I was rather much under the influence of pseudophedrine when I wrote that (in other words, to me, it's better than alcohol and was, coincidentally, the last time I took two pills at a time.) So put in your votes for the code name, too.**


	2. Attack in Disguise

**Thank you for the idea, Red Witch. I really appreciate it. By the way, I learned more about Cat Nip in a half-hour than I did in all 20 years of my life. Especially that it's apparently an aphrodisiac for cats. And that people can cook kitty treats with it and humans can make it in tea (which I, oddly enough, would like to try.)**   
****   
**** ****

**Chapter Two: Attack in Disguise**   


"Did you get it all?" Althea asked as Pietro, Adam, and Todd reappeared in the kitchen of the Misfits home with multiple grocery bags. 

"And then some, Cuddlebumps," Todd replied. "For future reference, never again should these two go shopping together again. We spent too much time in the beauty care section." 

"For your information, ones looks are important. Bad skin is worse than having no money," Adam replied. "You should really think about starting a beauty regimen. You're getting to the age at where you'll need one." 

"I think I'll pass for now," the amphibious mutant replied. 

"Are you sure we know what we're doing?" Shipwreck piped up. 

"If we keep Carly occupied and out of the way for a week, we can continue as planned," Todd assured. "And from what I hear, this should keep her happy as a clam and out of our hair so we can keep on playing pranks on Beach Head." 

"Are you sure this will work?" Lance asked, looking at Adam. 

"Yes, it should. Though I've never actually seen her _eat_ it before. It's generally just the scent that affects cats," Adam replied, tossing a large bag of catnip at him. "What are you making, anyway?" 

"We found some recipes online," Fred replied as he took the bag from Lance. "We have something called Biskitti—which is apparently Biscotti for cats—and some kitty tea." 

"Tea? You're making tea?" Lance laughed. 

"Well, she doesn't drink coffee," the impervious mutant retorted. "Plus our resident pickpocket will be slipping some of the leaves in her pockets." 

"And Pietro will slip into her bedroom and leave it in strategic places, particularly her clothing," Shipwreck confirmed. "That should keep her rather…occupied for a while. We aren't going to let her destroy all our plans!" 

"We have to do this if we want to get her off our backs," Adam agreed. "This will keep her occupied. It's also the reason why she's usually not allowed in any homes that have cats. On the off-chance that there's catnip." 

"So what, exactly, does this do to her?" Todd asked. 

"That's a good question," Fred agreed. "She doesn't freak out like Xi on chocolate chips or you on coffee, does she?" 

"I don't think I'm that bad!" Xi and Adam defended in unison. "Yes you are! No I'm not! You are! No, you are!" 

"Hey! You two can argue about this later," Althea interrupted. "So does she freak out or what?" 

"It's hard to say," the Filipino mutant replied. "It affects her differently every time. But she _usually_ doesn't run around naked, if that's what you're asking." 

"Usually?" Wanda questioned. 

"Just once. It shouldn't happen as long as she isn't around catnip and Nyquil at the same time." 

"And it only happened that once?" 

"Okay, it happened a couple other time, too, but it's not typical. It won't happen," Adam assured them again. "Trust me. She'll be out of our hair and we can get on with business." 

"Fine," Lance finally sighed. "Let's get on with this." 

"Right. Would someone please hand me the chicken liver?" Fred asked as he got to work. 

************************************************ 

"We'd like to apologize." 

Carly looked up from her homework and fixed suspicious eyes on her friends. "Did you guys get into the coffee again?" 

"No. We just felt bad about the position we put you in, having to choose between helping us and helping Beach Head," Althea explained. 

"What are you trying to pull?" 

"Nothing! We just felt bad," Todd pouted. "We wanted to be nice. We made you snacks!" 

"Nice my eye," the feline griped. "You're plotting something." 

"No we're not!" Pietro huffed, stomping his foot upon the floor like a two-year old in the middle of a tantrum. 

"Are you crying?" Carly asked a few moments later. "Why are you crying?" 

"I'm not crying and you're being mean!" the white-haired mutant wailed. 

"Fine, I'll accept your apology, just stop crying," she acquiesced. "But if it turns out that this is all just a part of some lame-brained plan, I'll have to hurt you all severely." 

"Duly noted," Pietro grinned as the tainted treats were placed on the table before her. His grin widened as he saw Todd slip some of the catnip in the pocket of her denim over-shirt. 

"We'll leave you in peace now," Althea said, ushering the others out of the room. "Now we wait. This should be interesting. And nice job on the tears, they looked real." 

"They were real," he replied, wiping his eyes with a Kleenex. "The smell of those cat biscuit things just hit me! I just hope they don't kill her. That'd be hard to explain."   


**Keep tuned for the effect that the special treats gives the feral. Plus, send in your Beach Head torture requests. I could sure use them. I had a major brain flash for something else last night and no good ideas have come to me since then.**


	3. Target at Three O'Clock

**Chapter Three: Target at Three O'Clock**   


"What are we going to do once our feline problem is taken care of?" Todd questioned, staring at the closed door of the room that held said 'problem.' 

"Torture Beach Head," Fred answered, giving his friend a 'where have you been?' look. 

"Yeah, I know that. But what plan are we going to do?" 

"I still say that we should target the bear," Lance commented. "Repeatedly. Beach Head really loves that bear." 

"We could rig up a harness and sail the bear from the flagpole," Pietro suggested. 

"Naw, you can't do that," Adam replied. "Xi and I already have a plan that uses the flagpole. To have a second one would be redundant." 

"True," Althea explained. "But I know something that we can do with the bear. We just have to get it." 

"Is it time yet?" Xi questioned, staring at the door. As one they all turned to look at Adam. 

"What? I was supposed to time this?" he asked innocently. 

"You're the one who knows how this stuff works on her!" Lance replied. 

"Whoever has the best hearing should go up to the door and listen to see what's happening." 

"Who has the best hearing?" Pietro asked. 

Xi shrugged and walked over to the door, placing his ear on it. "It sounds like she's…growling or…purring." 

"Then it's time to make our move. Purring is good," Adam grinned. 

************************************************ 

Beach Head narrowed his eyes suspiciously and looked around him. He hadn't had a visit from Carly--or any of the other kids, come to think of it--all day. And that just wasn't natural. It was downright disconcerting. 

He took a deep breath, deciding to stop being paranoid and to just enjoy the peace and quiet while he could get it. After all, it wouldn't be much longer, he was sure, before the kids came back, louder than ever. 

After a few hours, his usually sour demeanor was absent from him and he was in an extremely chipper mood. That is until he passed the target range on his way to the mess hall, where he saw the missing kids--minus the one who was intent on making him a part of her family--surrounded by a few of the local Joes. 

"Gather 'round, and hear our words!" Althea called out as if she were a barker at a carnival. "Step up and take your shot at the most rare target available at the Pit! One dollar gets you three shots at Sgt. Snuffles!" 

Beach Head's jaw dropped as he spotted his beloved teddy bear perched atop one of the targets at the far end of the range. There were splotches of paint surrounding his resting area, though none on the bear itself. 

"What in the world do you think you're doing!?" he yelled at the retreating banes of his existence. "Just you wait, you psychotic little freaks! I'm going to get you good!" 

************************************************ 

"We really should check on Carly," Wanda commented as they walked back into the house that night. "We've left her doped up for most of the day." 

"I'll do it," Todd grudgingly volunteered. 

"I just hope that it's still working," Adam said, watching the amphibious mutant head toward where they left his longtime friend. 

"You're saying it may have worn off?" Althea asked. 

"Not likely, but it is possible," the light bender replied. "Whether it has or not, when it does we're going to get pummeled. I think she may fly off the handle." 

"To be fair, I would be too, if I missed an entire week of my life," Fred sympathized. 

"I missed many years of my own life," Wanda stated. "I know exactly how she's going to feel. I'm just letting you all know right now that I'm blaming this all on you." 

"Oh no," Todd's voice was heard from inside Carly's room. "We're in trouble!" 

"What? She knows what we've done?" Lance asked, leading the others to where he stood. He looked into the now-empty room. "Oh no." 

"Not exactly. She's gone." 

"We're in so much trouble," Pietro frowned. 

"Let's go find her before we're in too deep," Althea proposed. 

"I say we all blame Shipwreck," Adam smiled.   


**All right, I have a bit of an outline for the rest of the story so I hope it goes more quickly than it has been going lately. Out of curiosity, though, what is Beach Head's job on the base? What, exactly, is it that he does?**


	4. Feral on the Loose

**Chapter Four: Feral on the Loose**   


"You know her best, where would she go?" Althea asked Adam as they wandered the military base. 

"I don't know! The girl's a nut and in a drugged stupor. That leads to unpredictable behavior…which, when applied to her naturally unpredictable behavior, is a very bad thing. We need to find her!" 

"Let's think about this logically," Lance suggested. "Pretend you're her and completely out of it. Where would you go?" 

"Beach Head?" Wanda questioned. 

"That's a start. Let's go." 

************************************************ 

"Hello, Doc! Hello, Nurse!" Carly called out as she strode into the infirmary. "How goes it?" 

The two looked over at her in confusion. "You're Carly, right?" Bree asked, trying to remember her name. They'd only met the newest recruits once before and Adam was the most memorable of that time. Any hyperactive nude teenaged mutant would be more memorable under those circumstances. 

"Yeppers! Hey, you two are married, right?" 

The married couple looked at each other, both thinking the same thought. This was going to be a long night. 

************************************************ 

"Okay, she's not with Beach Head," Todd stated. "Where next?" 

"Catnip is like marijuana for cats, right?" Fred questioned. 

"No, it's not a narcotic. It just makes them very happy," Adam replied. 

"Well, then it's the closest thing to marijuana that a cat can get, right? And doesn't that stuff make a person very hungry?" 

"Next up, the Kitchen," Althea agreed. 

************************************************ 

"So how often are we talking?" the persistent feral questioned again, either ignorant or not caring of the couple's discomfort. 

"That is none of your business!" Lifeline exclaimed. 

"C'mon, how often do you two get it on?" she pleaded. "Oh, you can, can't you? It does work, doesn't it?" 

"Believe me, it does work," Bree defended her husband. 

"Bree!" 

"Sorry, honey," she replied. "It works very well." 

"So he's good, huh?" 

"Oh yes. Very good." 

"Bree, this is a kid you're talking to. Talking to about our private love life," Lifeline told his wife, his face blushing a bright red. 

"I'm seventeen, Lifeline, hardly a kid," Carly huffed before turning back to his wife. "So what's it like?" 

"Oh God," the medic groaned. 

************************************************ 

"We're never going to find her," Lance groaned. 

"Where haven't we checked?" Althea asked. 

"Dojo?" Todd suggested. 

"She may be there," Adam replied. 

"Then let's go there." 

************************************************ 

"Really?" Carly asked. "I am so envious!" 

"I need a drink," Lifeline sighed, walking away from the two women. "A lot of drinks." 

"Yeah, I really am a lucky woman," Bree grinned. "Then, there was this one time…" 

************************************************ 

"We're in trouble," Todd said again as they entered the Misfit home. "We've searched this entire base and she's not on it!" 

"I say we wait until morning and if she's not back by then, we blame this whole thing on Shipwreck," Adam suggested again. 

"Agreed," Althea nodded. "He was a party to it so he gets the blame." 

"Guys, you won't believe this," Lance said from his position in front of Carly's room. "She's back." 

Sure enough, Carly was asleep in her bed, a soft purr emitting from her. 

"I hate her. That's all there is to it, I hate her," Wanda exclaimed, heading off to her own room. 


	5. Salute Your Shorts

**Chapter Five: Salute Your Shorts**   


"How's Carly doing? She out of it?" Adam asked the next morning as he and Xi prepared to leave to begin their prank. 

"You could say that," Lance said hesitantly. "She's missing again." 

"I really hate that girl," Wanda groaned. "Do we have to search for her again?" 

"I think we should," Althea replied. "Adam, you and Xi go do whatever it was you were going to and the rest of us will go find the cat." 

************************************************ 

"May I help?" 

B.A. turned around and saw Carly hovering in the doorway to the kitchen. "Of course you can," he said with a wide smile. 

"Yay!" she exclaimed, clapping her hands in joy. "What can I do? And what are you making?" 

"I'm trying to invent a new recipe for dinner," B.A. replied. "I'm just trying to come up with what all I should put in it." 

"If it's a casserole, it'll need noodles. I'm good at casseroles." 

"Then we'll make a casserole," the chef decided. 

************************************************ 

"Have you found her yet?" Xi questioned as he and Adam rejoined the others. 

"Yes, about a half hour ago, but we hid her again so you can find her!" Pietro replied sarcastically. 

"No need to get snippy," Adam said. 

"So what did you two do?" Althea asked. 

"We decided that the flag needed changing," Xi answered, glancing across base at the flagpole. 

The others looked at it and began laughing. In place of the regular American flag, there was a pair of white boxers with red hearts that had smiley faces on them, as well as a couple other pairs with more humorous graphics upon them. 

"He's going to kill you!" 

************************************************ 

"I think it needs more of that," Carly said pointing to a reddish-brown spice. 

"All right, a bit more of this," B.A. agreed, sprinkling the spice over the casserole dishes. "And some of this, and a little of that." 

"Here, let's add some of these." 

"Peanuts? Why not?" 

From outside the two could hear a male voice screaming. "I'M GOING TO KILL YOU, YOU LITTLE PIPSQUEAKS!!!!!!!" 

"What do you think that was about?" B.A. asked. 

"What was what about? Do you think it could hurt to add more cheese?"   


That's all for now. Hopefully more will be on the way soon. 


	6. The Heights of Aggravation

**Chapter Six: The Heights of Aggravation**

It was just midweek and already the Misfits were wearing themselves out, between the pranks on Beach Head and concealing Carly's disturbed state from the adults—other than Shipwreck, of course—while searching for the wandering feral. Luckily, the week was almost over and their First Annual Pick on Beach Head Week was going off better than they had all anticipated. 

And so the third day of the special week began with Pietro and Adam entering the Ranger's apartment shortly after he had left for work. 

"What do you think about violet?" Pietro asked, holding a color swatch up against the wall. 

"I think I like the lavender better," Adam replied, looking at the colors with a critical eye. "Maybe lavender with cobalt accents." 

"I think the cobalt would be a little too dark with the lavender. If it was mauve with the cobalt…that would be rather attractive, I think." 

"Oooh…pretty," Adam beamed. "But if you want to use the violet, we could use it on the walls and accent with mauve and this pretty light carnation pink. What do you think?" 

"That's very nice. That's what we'll do in here," Pietro decided. 

"And the bedroom has to, of course, be red, white, and blue since Beach Head is quite the patriot." 

"Don't you think that could be a little tacky?" 

"Not if we use the utmost of taste." 

"What about the kitchenette? What should we do in there?" 

"Paisley…or gingham check. Give it the classy, retro look." 

"Or how about the look from the Pinciotti living room on _That 70s Show_?" 

"I can't recall what that looks like." 

"Turquoise and chrome." 

"Oh, I remember now. We'll go with that in the kitchen. Do you think we should go ahead and decorate the spare room for Carly? We all know Beach Head is eventually going to just go ahead and agree to be her guardian. And you know he'd sooner shoot himself in the privates than move in with all of us…but that would be a waste, were he to do that." 

"What would Carly even like?" 

"Leopard print? Or a room themed after a loved television show or movie? That girl, you never can tell." 

"So we'll get back to that. What about the bathroom?" 

"Hmm…" Adam mused as he looked into the small room. "For one thing, we'll get rid of the curtain. A sliding frosted glass door is so much more classy." 

"That would be gorgeous. But what about a color scheme? We do, after all, have yet to go do the shopping for our little endeavor." 

"Let's go to the home décor store and in the paint section we'll close our eyes and point to a couple of colors and those will be what we'll use." 

"Sounds good to me. Let's go shopping. I have the credit cards." 

***** 

"I thought they'd never leave," Wanda groaned as they snuck into the apartment just after the two other Misfits had left. 

"Beach Head is going to freak out when he comes home tonight. He's going to hate those two more than ever before," Althea responded as they made their way into the bathroom. "Do you have the dye?" 

"Yep, right here." 

"Great. Hopefully being covered in red water won't send Beach Head into a _Carrie_ mood. All we need is for him to try to burn us all to death." 

"Do you think we should wait to do this?" 

"What do you mean?" 

"What if my brother and Adam decide to change the bathroom fixtures? They may see a shower head they like more than this one." 

"Do we have enough dye to do this a second time?" 

"We should have…we bought out the store when we originally intended to color the X-Geek's pool." 

"You're right. We'll definitely have enough. Let's hurry up and do this before the Decorating Duo comes back." 

***** 

Meanwhile, General Hawk was walking back to his office, thankful that he had yet to have a run in with an upset Beach Head. His advice to the Ranger was always the same: Just ignore the kids and they'd leave him alone once they got bored. He entered his office and jumped—spilling his coffee all over himself—when he saw someone in his chair. 

"I hope you intend on cleaning that mess up, Private," Carly's voice barked out. "I'm trying to get these acquisition forms completed and I don't need anyone interrupting me from my tasks." 

"Carly, what are you doing here?" Hawk questioned, looking at the bizarre picture she presented, wearing one of his spare uniforms. 

"My name is General Hawk, Private! Use proper respect when speaking to a ranking officer!" 

"You are not General Hawk, I am!" 

"Don't argue with me! Maybe a week of KP Duty would teach you some respect and honesty. As you can plainly see, I am General Hawk. It even says so on my nametag." 

"That is not your nametag! That's my uniform and my nametag!" 

"That's it! That's one week of KP Duty for you! March, now!" 

"I can't believe this…I'm being bossed around by a delusional little girl." 

"That's two weeks, buster! I'm a higher-ranking officer and am no little girl! I'm a grown man! Oooh…a little television. Hey! _The Rocky Horror Picture Show_ is on! I'll revoke your two weeks punishment if you watch it and sing it with me." 

"I just can't believe this is my life," Hawk groaned. "Oh well, I have nothing better to do…and she gets me out of doing those forms so watching a little movie with her won't be the worst thing to ever happen to me…" 

***** 

"How's the stapling coming along?" Lance asked, looking over at Fred from his place in front of the copy machine. 

"Just great. I have most of the booklets done," the impervious mutant replied. "Do you have the final pages finished yet?" 

"They're right here. This was such a good idea." 

"Yeah, who knew that Beach Head would have such an interesting Journal?" 

"Hey, his teen years were infinitely more interesting than his life now," Lance agreed. "Who would've thought that he'd keep his old high school journal after all these years?" 

"All done…so how were we going to distribute these things again?" 

"Well, I was thinking that we could go around and put them in every mailbox so everyone gets a copy. Who wouldn't want to read about how he got Sgt. Snuffles or the time he wet the bed while at a sleepover?" 

***** 

"Do you know how to work the equipment?" Xi asked softly as they entered the administration building of the base. 

"How hard can it be to work the PA System?" Todd replied as they snuck past the offices. 

"_Let's do the Time Warp again! It's just a jump to the left, and then a step to the right! With your hand on your hips, you bring your knees in tight. But it's the pelvic thrust, that really drives you insane. Let's do the Time Warp again! Let's do the Time Warp again!_" 

The two stopped in front of the open door to General Hawk's office and watched him and Carly dancing around to the music. 

"What a time to be without the video camera," Todd commented before they continued on their way. "The only thing that could be scarier about that is if they were dressed up in the costumes from that movie." 

"I don't know, I think that General Hawk might look good in a sequined bustier." 

"That thought is just wrong on so many levels." 

The two friends hanged a left into the PA room and walked over to the equipment. 

"Hey, there's a timer! We could set this to go off whenever we wanted to," Todd grinned. "This is going to be so much fun. When should we have it go off?" 

"Let's put it on a loop and have it go off every hour on the hour," Xi suggested. "It won't go off for another forty-five minutes, but that gives us time to get to Beach Head and see his reaction." 

"Good idea," Todd said, hitting a few of the buttons. "Now let's get out of here before we get caught." 

***** 

Forty-five minutes later the PA System kicked on and Beach Head's voice filtered out over the speakers to the whole base. 

"_When I was young…I never needed anyone…And making love was just for fun…Those days are gone. Living alone…I think of all the friends I've known…But when I dial the telephone…Nobody's home. All by myself! Don't wanna be…all by myself, anymore!_" 

The recording was followed shortly by another one of Beach Head's enraged screams of promised revenge as the Ranger made his way to General Hawk's office. He stopped short when he saw Carly—still in General Hawk's uniform—applying makeup on his leader's face in the manner of Tim Curry's. 

"And it's official. General Hawk has lost control of the base." 


	7. Cat and Mouse

**Sorry it's been a while. I've been laid up with a cold, but now I'm better and am ready to get going again. I'm free! I'm free! Let's party!**   
**** ****

**Chapter Seven: Cat and Mouse**   


"What are you doing back here?" Lifeline asked as he walked into the main room of the Med building and saw Carly sitting at one of the tables with his wife. "And should I run screaming from the room now? You know, just to save time?" 

"Come on, Honey," Bree smiled, "she's really not that bad." 

"Besides, we're just playing a game of cards," an unusually sedate Carly added. 

"That seems safe enough," the medic sighed as he continued the trek over to his desk. 

"I win. So, he hasn't been a prude since the other day, has he?" he heard a few minutes later. 

"That's it…that house needs to become a jail," he moaned. 

***** 

"This was one great plan. Get Carly out of the way and we'll have more time to annoy our target," Pietro griped. "Yeah, it's been working out beautifully!" 

"How was I supposed to know she'd keep wandering off?" Adam questioned in defense of himself. "It's not like she's done this before! Not that I know of, anyway." 

"Not that you know of?" Althea asked. "What do you mean, not that you know of?" 

"Well, it's not as if there's an abundance of instances where catnip and Carly have been together for long instances of time. I usually leave when catnip is around because she's annoying," the light-bending mutant whined. "She can talk…a lot! Sometimes she just doesn't shut up. She's probably talking to someone right now!" 

"Wherever she is, we have to find her. Soon," Todd prodded. "It's getting dark." 

"If we ever do this again, I say we just pay Carly not to tip off Beach Head," Wanda suggested. 

***** 

"I believe this is yours," Lifeline said as he entered the Misfits home. "Please take her back and keep her away from me." 

"What's going on?" Roadblock asked as he looked at the grinning girl. 

"She's annoying. I don't know what's going on here, I just ask that, unless she's hurt or sick, to keep her away from me as much as possible." 

"What was she doing?" 

"Let's just say that my private life is a little less private due to a newfound friendship between her and my wife." 

"Apparently he's very good in the sack," Carly spoke up, causing Lifeline to groan. 

"Just keep her away from me, please." 

"I think I aggravated him," the feral said innocently as she watched the medic walk away. 

"I think we need to find the other kids," Cover Girl sighed. "We're not going to be getting any answers out of her." 

"Let's go find her a babysitter first," Roadblock agreed, leading the adults and Carly out of the house. "Shipwreck, stay here with the Triplets and babies." 

"Who do you have in mind for taking care of her?" Low Light asked. 

"Beach Head." 


	8. Hunt for Purple Elephants

**Well, I wrote a Firefly improv last night so now I'm stuck in the void of Firefly lingo. I apologize for that in advance. Also, this chapter has a couple of swear words, so watch out with that if you aren't old enough. :) Also…this is on the longish side. Yay me! I wrote somethin'. Oh…if there are any questions about the drunk talk…just ask. I think I got a little apostrophe happy.**   


**Chapter Eight: Hunt for Purple Elephants**   


"So why'd they leave you with me?" Beach Head slurred, looking at Carly who was sitting across the small chrome and turquoise kitchen table. 

"Lifeline refuses to let me go near him because he thinks I know too much about his sex life," the feral replied, going through her checklist. Her voice was nearly matching the Ranger's drunken slur as the catnip began to make her lethargic. "General Hawk was yammering about makeup and transvestites and also refuses to let me near him. B.A. said the casserole we made ended up landing most everyone who ate it in the bathrooms praying to the porcelain god and doesn't want me near his kitchen until everyone is no longer upset at him. Bree wouldn't mind watching me but, as I said, Lifeline is afraid we'd talk about their sex life again. Everyone else is afraid to get near me because of the aforementioned people shedding me in a not so good light. Shipwreck is caring for his own kids and the others are searching for the Misfits. You were the only one left." 

"The Misfits are mean. Look what they did to my apartment!" he cried, sadly looking around him at his newly redesigned home. 

"I know. I think everyone is mad at me because of them. They're big poopyheads," Carly pouted, agreeing with him. 

"Big poopyheads." 

"I think I'd even go so far as to say that they're _qingwa cào de liúmáng_," she continued, stumbling over her words. 

"What's that?" Beach Head asked, taking another swig of his beer. 

"Just a little phrase I picked up from some of my net buddies who also like that sci-fi western show _Firefly_. They swear in Mandarin on that show and there's this one site where everyone works together to translate the words and even other phrases for use in stories and that's one of the phrases." 

"Whassat mean?" 

"No…I'll get in trouble. You'll get mad at me." 

"I won't. I promise. Whassat mean?" 

"Fine. It means frog-humpin' bastards." 

Beach Head burst out laughing. "That's funny. You aren't that bad of a kid. Teach me more." 

***** 

"What do you think the kids did to her?" Cover Girl asked as the adults searched for the other missing Misfits. 

"Drugged her or something," Low Light replied with a shrug. "She was acting kind of drunk." 

"And we left her with a drunk man who hates kids. Was that really wise of us?" Spirit questioned. 

"I think the two drunks cancel out each other. Everything will be fine," Roadblock stated. "By the way, what happened to Beach Head's apartment? His living room was purple and pink." 

***** 

"We're never going to find that girl," Wanda whined as they continued to scour the base. "If we give up and go home and find she's in her bed again, I'm going to kill her." 

"No one is going to get killed," Althea stated certainly. "Even if she's in bed, you aren't going to kill her." 

"Yeah, she'd come back and haunt us," Todd agreed. 

"She'd probably make us search for her until we died," Adam estimated. "And then, after _we_ died, we'd have to play an eternal game of hide and seek. We'd always have to seek and she'd always hide." 

"Sounds like Hell." 

"Yeah, that's what I thought." 

***** 

"_Shizi_ means louse." 

"_Shizi_? I can do that. What's next?" 

"_Yúchûn_ is stupid. No…it's not stupid. It means stupid." 

"Stupid. Got it. Next?" 

"_Mèimei_ means little sister." 

"_Mèimei_? That's pretty." 

"Pretty is _mêilì_. It also means beautiful." 

"Then _mèimei_ is _mêilì_. Can I call you _mèimei_?" 

"Sure ya can. If ya don't mind me calling you _bà bà_." 

"Wassat?" 

"It's the fa…fam…f'mili'r version of daddy." 

"You know, you aren't half bad." 

"_Xièxie nî_." 

"What's _xièxie nî_? 

"Thank you." 

"Oh…you're welcome." 

"_Xiâo mèimei_. That means little baby sister." 

"Cute." 

"_Kê ài_." 

"_Kê ài_?" 

"Yep. Means cute, adorable, and lovely. _Dong ma_? Understand?" 

"Ahh…got it." 

"_Wode tìan_…_mêilì_. And it matches your living room." 

"Where's it goin'?" 

"Purple elephants went out the door…Maybe they havin' a party. Le's go see." 

"One q'estion…wha's _wode tìan_ mean?" 

"Oh god. Well…lit'r'ly it means 'oh sky'. 'San excl'mat'n. Now…'nward aft'r those purpl' el'phants." 

***** 

"They went toward the infirmary," B.A. said, pointing toward Lifeline's clinic. "They're looking for something." 

"They're probably looking for a way to get away from us," Low Light grumbled. "They did something and we want to know what." 

"They redecorated Beach Head's apartment…among other things." 

"So that's why the apartment was purple," Roadblock smiled. 

"If you hurry you may just be able to catch up with them." 

***** 

"She's not allowed back here unless she's dying or dead!" Lifeline snapped, slamming the infirmary door. The Misfits heard the lock slide into place. 

"The more that we search, the more I am convinced that she's home," Xi sighed as he sat outside the infirmary. 

"I wonder what she did to make him so mad," Fred mused, staring at the closed door. "I don't think I've ever seen him mad until now." 

"We're eventually gonna find out," Lance said. "And I'm not sure if I want to." 

"And we want to find out why Carly is acting like Kitty Forman on her happy drugs," Low Light snapped. "You kids have a lot of explaining to do." 

The kids all looked at each other in trepidation. "It was all Shipwreck's idea," they all said in unison. 

***** 

"They dancin' purty," Carly giggled as she and Beach Head watched their purple elephants dancing ballet. 

"You aren't half bad kid. You know what?" 

"Wha'?" 

"I think I like you. I'll be your _bà bà_." 

"_Duìbùqî_? Excuse me?" 

"You wanted me to be your daddy and so I'll be your daddy." 

"_Shuài_! Snazzy! I have a daddy! And you know wha'?" 

"What?" 

"I think I know 'ow ta get back at the oth'rs for wreckin' your 'partment." 

"How?" 

"This is wha' we'll do…"   


**Only two chapters left. By the by, _duìbùqî_ means sorry as well as excuse me. And _shuài_ also means handsome. :)**


	9. This is NOT Good

**Chapter Nine: This is NOT Good**

"What do you think is going to happen to us?" Fred asked the next morning. 

The night before they had explained the catnip diversion and the adults had sent them to their rooms, wanting to think of what the perfect punishment would be. Beach Head had brought Carly, who was looking very out of it, home shortly after they had gotten there and she, too, had gone straight to bed. Now that it was morning, the Misfits were anxious about what evil plot their keepers had devised to teach them a lesson. 

"I just hope they don't leave the punishment in Carly's hands," Adam commented. "She can be downright sadistic when she wants to be." 

"I think I could handle Carly, but I don't think I could handle anything Lifeline could come up with. He was really upset last night," Lance replied. 

"Yeah, that was actually kind of scary," Todd agreed. 

"By sitting here thinking, we're only making this worse on ourselves," Althea stated. "The anticipation of something bad is often worse than the actual event." 

"Fine, let's go see what's going to happen." 

The nine teens hesitantly entered the kitchen and sat at the table. They waited silently a few moments, waiting for someone to say something, before Pietro burst out, "so what's our punishment already!?" 

"We haven't decided yet," Roadblock replied, speaking for the others. "Why don't you all go wake up Carly? And no more catnip!" 

"They're going to come up with something really demented, I'm sure," Wanda grumbled as the teens filed back out of the kitchen toward Carly's room. 

They stopped outside her bedroom door. 

"So who is she least likely to kill?" Todd asked. As one they all turned to look at Adam. 

"It's time for you to take one for the team, buddy," Pietro stated as he opened the door and pushed him into the room. 

They waited a few moments as only silence came from inside. Then they heard Adam loudly say, "Oh, my god! This is **_NOT_** good! Guys, get in here!" 

"Is she gonna kill us?" 

"No…I don't think she's going to be killing anyone anymore! She's dead!" 

That got the others in there. Sure enough, Carly wasn't breathing. 

"We're so going to get our butts kicked for this one…" Todd said. 

"Dad!!!" Althea yelled. "Everyone! Get in here quick!!! We have an emergency on our hands!!!!!" 

***** 

"So you're telling me that by my going along with this, I can get revenge on them?" 

"Lifeline, the Misfits were responsible for what was making Carly act so strangely…and asking about your sex life. This is the ultimate revenge and punishment," Beach Head grinned. 

"Fine, I'll do it." 

"Good boy." 

***** 

"How's it going so far?" General Hawk asked an hour later. 

"Hook, line, and sinker," Low Light confirmed. "Carly and Beach Head can be very demented when they want to be." 

"So can the rest of you when it comes to punishment." 

***** 

"Though I have yet to perform an autopsy, I have run a preliminary blood test and I think I've figured out the cause of death," Lifeline said to Beach Head and the living occupants of the Misfit house, though mostly to the teens and Shipwreck. 

"What killed her?" Cover Girl asked. 

"I found an overabundance of some plant extracts in her bloodstream. I was able to determine that the extracts are from catnip. She overdosed on the stuff." 

"Oh no…we killed someone…we killed a friend!" Adam cried, tears in his eyes. "We're murderers!" 

"I'm sure it was an accident," Bree consoled. "You didn't know you were going to kill her." 

"We killed a little girl! They're going to throw the book at us!" Shipwreck exclaimed. 

"Would you all like a moment to say good bye to her before I begin the autopsy?" Lifeline asked. 

In a few short moments the Misfits and Shipwreck were on one side of the gurney and everyone else was on the other side. All were staring at Carly's motionless body. 

"I'm sorry! Please don't haunt me!" Adam sobbed. 

"Boo!" Carly yelled, sitting up on the gurney, an evil grin on her face. 

The Misfits (and Shipwreck) all jumped back, a few screaming in shock (most noticeably Adam and Pietro who both screamed like little girls.) The feral and everyone on the other side of the gurney burst into laughter. 

"How do you like being pranked?" Beach Head asked. 

It was then they noticed the video camera trained on them. 

"You were all crying like babies!" Carly laughed. "I still don't know how I kept a straight face!" 

"This was a prank?" Pietro huffed. "I hate you!" 

"Remember this next time you want to drug a person into submission," Roadblock said, giving them a stern look. "Have you learned your lesson?" 

"Yes, sir," they all chorused. 

"Then consider yourselves punished." 

"So how much are we selling these tapes for?" Carly asked. "We could make a killing selling them to the X-Men!" 


	10. Here We Go Again

**And now for the short, but sweet, ending. Thank you to all who reviewed. I hope you enjoyed it.**   
**** ****

**Chapter Ten: Here We Go Again**

"I refuse to speak to you," Adam pouted as Carly entered the Misfit home the next day. She had moved in with Beach Head (who was already regretting his drunken agreement the night before) after their prank. 

"Don't be such a baby," she replied. "You don't see me harping on about the week I spent in a purple haze. Or about the fact that my new daddy is _red_! Whose prank was that?" 

"Ours," Wanda admitted pointing to Althea and herself. 

"Good one! I thought he was going to have a stroke. Are we ready to go?" 

"The X-Geeks are going to be so glad to see us," Wanda said sarcastically. "We haven't tortured them in a while so this is going to be good." 

***** 

"Hi, honey, we're home!" Pietro yelled out. They faintly heard a few groans from the various X-Men around the house. 

They entered the Foyer in time to see Kitty run in with a bag from the local pet shop. 

"Hey guys! Come see what I got Lockheed!" she called out. "A catnip toy and a whole bag of catnip to refill it!" 

She pulled the toy out of the bag and tossed it past Carly and onto the floor in front of Lockheed. Almost immediately both Carly and Lockheed began to purr and the Misfits groaned. 

"Here we go again," Adam whined. 

"If I weren't afraid for our safety, I'd say that we ambush her and take her home," Wanda sighed. 

"What's wrong?" Kitty asked. "It's only catnip." 

"Only catnip? _Only_ catnip?" Pietro repeated in awe. "If you think it's _only catnip_, then we have one thing to say to you." 

The other Misfits chimed in with the next line; "She's staying with **_you_** tonight!" 


End file.
